It turns out that 12 years ago, some lost soul had the brilliant idea that, if there was a day to celebrate love, there should also be one for heartbreak.

On July 29, International Lovesickness Day is “celebrated.” International and democratic, because they have all of us at some point been left more heartbroken than Alejandro Sanz in the entire history of music.

And if you give us the choice, we go from Mr. Wonderful advice or self-help TikToks on how to get over a breakup. We are more of the (misnamed) duel:

• Family size ice cream tubs, made in Mercadona.       
• Twerk to forget.        
• Public suffering, Chenoa level in a tracksuit at the door of his house.        
• […]

So, for that reason, today we come with a double batch of #anti-advice for lovesickness:

• Our top10 shitty phrases 🤮 that you've ever heard (or said).     
• Our top 10 recommendations that would not recommend your therapy to get over a breakup, but that your bbf will find the best option. 

Shitty phrases that tell you about a breakup 

1. “DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S CALLED RUPTURE? BECAUSE IT WAS ALREADY BROKEN.”

Thank you, Paulo Coelho. Maybe what's broken is your ability to empathize with my current self-destructive cravings.

2. “THERE IS NO EVIL THAT LASTS A HUNDRED YEARS/ TIME HEALS EVERYTHING/ TIME PUTS EACH ONE IN THEIR PLACE”

Could you specify for me what measure of time we are talking about? I practice 3: TikTok, YouTube video or Netflix episode. 

3. "BETTER ALONE THAN IN BAD COMPANY"

Two contemporary philosophers of your style already said it… “to get rid of the bad, no, no no/ I don't want anything bad, no, no no. 

4. “WHEN A DOOR CLOSES, A WINDOW OPENS.”

Or they slam the door in your face and leave you so broken that Joseba from Carglass can't even fix it (because Carglas changes and repairs, but doesn't work miracles).

5. “IT'S JUST A CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE. BUT DON'T CLOSE THE BOOK.”

I didn't know that I had asked the Readers' Circle for advice. Nothing to get over your ex like imagining your life like a Larousse encyclopedia.

6. “NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO LOVE YOURSELF.”

But I love myself very much all year round! Yes now and no before? Was the ex-love not compatible with self-love ? 

7. “DON'T THINK ABOUT IT ANY MORE.”

Tell it to the spin of my head thinking about 99 scenes in which I sing the forty and do the little act with pyrotechnics included, like Eleni Foureira in Eurovision. 

8. “INSTEAD OF CRYING FOR WHAT YOU HAVE LOST, SMILE FOR WHAT YOU LEARNED”

To learn, I get a pack on Domestika or a documentary. What I wanted was a healthy relationship: holding hands on the street and holding hands in bed. 

9. “THAT WAS NOT FOR YOU”

May has screwed us up. You just read my mind, Dr. Obvious. Yes, I already know that it was not for me. What's annoying is that the time investment is like Primark underwear that isn't returned.

10. “IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO HAVE NEVER LOVED”

And much better than that is to just dedicate yourself to things that give pleasure. That at a certain age, suffering for free as if it doesn't contribute and what it doesn't contribute is pushed away.

The 10 #anti-advice that Mr. Wonderful or your therapist would recommend to you (because maybe you will discover that the toxic person in the relationship was you)

1. F*ck your ex. Set a limit, yes. Max 10 times. But a goodbye p*lvete for the good times is a bad decision we all want to make.

2. Blame him for everything. He deserves a place in the seventh hell. Point your finger at him. The time will come to make peace, be cordial, and behave like adults (or not). 

3. Throw away their things and/or burn them. Live your authentic bonfire of confrontations... not for poetic justice... but for a good 15' of anecdotes to tell and to be ashamed of in the future.   

4. Create a good final chicken. Look for explanations, demand invoices. A good catharsis will give you closure and destruction to start rebuilding.   

5. Bremove him from social media. If you want, make fake profiles to see who he's dirty with now and to take new screenshots to blackmail.   

6. Listen to the sorrows of others. They say that the evil of many is the consolation of fools... but hearing other people's misfortunes works, at least for a while.   

7. Change your look like crazy, open TikTok and record yourself dancing the Tusa, go through Tinder at an expert level, metamorphose into the closest club in your city... If there is any perfect excuse to briefly return to rebellious adolescence without anyone telling you, reproach, is this.   

8. Get cool . That when he passes you on the street he has to make the tremendous effort to remember why he broke your heart... and nothing else.   

9. Cry , scream, kick, hate, wallow in resentment, fight with your colleagues... Do it ALL. This is not the time to be rational and logical. But don't let it become routine. You haven't left a relationship to get into another with lovesickness.   

10. And most importantly: when someone gives you some crappy advice that leaves you colder than your ex's heart... read this post again and give them the response they deserve.   

To give each other a lot of good love. ❤️‍🔥       

PS: This week's post is sponsored by our Giggleberries , a moisturizing and deodorant cream for your 🍆 on intense twerking nights.   

Because one nail doesn't pull out another nail, but hammering from time to time releases enough energy to empty a hardware store.