Masculinities…relaxed…

Being a man in our grandparents' time was one thing (one thing and nothing more): ugly, strong, and formal. Some more handsome, some less so... but almost always

They didn't even cry at Pixar movies
They knew how to repair a catalytic converter and a hose.
They rarely smiled.

Forwarding ⏩ Until today… we assume that the vast majority of us are aware of the nasty things that those restrictive molds brought.

Much has been written about what we should NOT be and its negative consequences, but… now that there's no instruction manual like at IKEA, what can we be? How can we fit in?

Today, To mark International Men's Day, we talk about positive, relaxed, and well-developed masculinities… and our contradictions.

“Traditional” masculinity is an outdated meme ✅

Our grandfathers (men) had to be brave, successful, strong, providers, guardians, loyal, stable, secretive, independent… capable of killing a 🦁 with their hands and owners of a square jaw.

In summary; a GigaChad; a fucking meme.

But that meme is a bit outdated.

Firstly, because few of us fit into that mold. Many act as if they do, but most of us feel silently uncomfortable with everything that is expected of us.
And second, because of the negative consequences of those expectations. It is often called a "silenced problem" and is related to mental health, emotional repression, refusal to form bonds with others, difficulty in asking for help... and with high rates of addiction, depression, anxiety, violence and suicide.

The new masculinities are about opening up options and letting your hair down.

If old-fashioned masculinity was about few things, very solid, and anti-"girly" things, new masculinities are the complete opposite: about trying, adding, and experimenting without barriers. Here are a few examples. As of today, we have:

TO BTS, the most famous and successful male group in history, completely disregarding the traditional "panties-dropping" boy-band roles
TO Bad Bunny either Harry StylesSuccessful superstars who wear skirts and paint their nails without any hang-ups
Sex toys for men as alternative ways to explore sexuality and self-love
….

via GIPHY

Little things, in short, for which a few decades ago you would have ended up burned at the stake or eaten by lions.

The unfinished task: that we ALL get involved 🧄

You can do and be anything you want, and that's in your hands… Or not. Because it's also in others. We're not going to reveal anything groundbreaking here if we tell you that a large part of the "blame" for the corset that men have suffered for centuries lies with... men themselves.

Your colleague who laughs quietly or changes the subject when you shed a tear because you're feeling down or depressed.
Your father, who doesn't want to talk to you about the extreme anxiety you're carrying around, tells you "it's not that bad".
The school gang with whom you used to bully someone (if you weren't the victim).
Your job where only those with a certain type of behavior get promoted.
When you're talking in the bar about how 'bitchy' the girls from Temptation Island are and how 'famous' the guys are.
You, who have ever said 'you lack so many balls to…' coupled with any competitive display of virility… for laughs.
...

Being a 'man' is built in community.

via GIPHY

It's your group of colleagues, people from work, family members... who give you back an image from a young age that you end up identifying with.

Are you always this free? Do you behave the same way in front of your colleagues as you do at home with your grandmother? And at work or out for drinks?

A relaxed masculinity will never be such, until you can behave as you think and want in each and every one of your contexts. But step by step, conquest by conquest.

Firstright now, to completely banish the dodgy things. The second; to open up all possibilities, discover and reinvent yourself. And finally, choosing what we want to be and how we feel most comfortable being… in all contexts.

P.dThis week's post is sponsored by our Handsomefyer XTRABecause we also want to go, when we feel like it, all dolled up and looking our best… and that 👏🏽 HE 👏🏽 No 👏🏽 Get yourself a makeover. Time to hog the spotlight and selfies.